They say you stumble upon inspiration exactly when you’re not looking for it, and how right they are. Life has not been the same ever since my unexpected encounter of two hundred pages of absolute brilliance with Clarissa Dalloway and Peter Walsh and of course, the essential Richard Dalloway.

Until I read Mrs. Dalloway, I was capable of imparting only a very practical and literary opinion on most books. Books were either trash or not trash. They could either interest you in their well worded pages, or distress you with their poorly framed sentences. But a walk across London in the shoes of, and with Clarissa Dalloway completely blew me away. Sometimes you connect with a book to unimaginable extents. You are able to invest yourself in it, emotionally and mentally. You see yourself in its splendidly crafted characters, and not superficially, but intrinsically. The resemblance is so uncanny that you sometimes think you’ve changed, after having read the book, to fit into the identity of Clarissa Dalloway. That’s the kind of book that you call powerful and overwhelming. You cannot simply gather every strand of emotion it has managed to bring to the surface, and collectively stuff it inside the label of ‘not trash’. This book is not merely the complement of trash. It is a separate space altogether. This book defines you, or maybe, you have finally allowed a book to define you.

Virginia Woolf starts with a sentence so simple and unassuming that you will make nothing of it the first, or even the second time you read it. But when you have obsessively pored over her sentences a number of times, you will see them in a new light. Perhaps in the light she wanted you to see them, perhaps not. Mrs. Dalloway said she would buy the flowers herself. Yes, she did, because this is exactly what Mrs. Dalloway would say. This is not Clarissa. Mrs. Dalloway is the person you are afraid you will become one day. You like her, because you can telepathically identify with her – you empathize with her reason and unreason. You can magically understand the significance of introducing Peter Walsh in the second paragraph of the book. You would have done the same, had you possessed the genius of Virginia Woolf. You smile with wisdom at the sheer beauty of the lines, ‘…and he could be intolerable; he could be impossible; but adorable to walk with on a morning like this.’ Because you know someone exactly like Peter Walsh; you know what it feels like to walk alongside someone like him, someone whose presence is comforting and suffocating, all at the same time. You know why Clarissa had to let go of Peter, ‘…she had to break with him, or they would have been destroyed, both of them ruined, she was convinced.’ You also know how she couldn’t, even after all these years.

Clarissa represents a side of you that has been overshadowed or maybe even forgotten. She lacks the consistency you do, and she has made the compromise she tries to justify every waking minute of the day, the compromise you sometimes fear you will settle for someday. In a class that had literarily examined Mrs. Dalloway, of which you were a part, everyone had come to the conclusion that Clarissa possessed a fear of intimacy. But not all of them knew why, which you did. Perhaps you have to meet a Peter Walsh, to understand why. You can almost cringe as much as she did at the word ‘hostess’, because although you don’t throw lavish parties yourself, you understand her need to, most perfectly. So when Woolf writes, ‘Her only gift was knowing people almost by instinct, she thought, walking on. If you put her in a room with someone, up went her back like a cat’s; or she purred’, you get the spooky idea that she is writing about you. Haven’t you filled pages and pages about people? Don’t you indulge yourself in them? As a matter of fact, you do. It follows logically then that this book is about you. So much so that you can even understand the unavoidable need for Richard Dalloway.

Clarissa is not easy to understand, but her actions and reactions have some strange kind of natural appeal to you. You identify with her insecurities. You can feel her hatred for Mrs. Kilman in your own veins, because you know it stems out of her sense of ownership, a sentiment you recognize so well. Her idea of happiness perfectly resonates with your own, for you know that yours was contained in its one, isolated, defining moment, too. ‘And she felt she had been given a present, wrapped up and told just to keep it, not to look at it – a diamond, something infinitely precious, wrapped up, which, as they walked (up and down, up and down), she uncovered, or the radiance burnt through, the revelation, the religious feeling!’ You too have worshipped that matchless, precious moment repeatedly, and it has come to give you the kind of hope only love, for lack of a better word, can impart. Then of course, you smile wryly at the lines, ‘Had not that, after all, been love?’

You cannot ignore the understated, yet powerful character of Richard Dalloway. Because you know him too, or maybe you know him like Clarissa does. You need him like Clarissa does. For in some twisted moral framework, Richard Dalloway happens to validate the existence of Peter Walsh in Clarissa’s routine of twenty four hours. All of her life shall fall apart, without Richard. He needs to exist in her vicinity, simply to prove his presence; enough to justify why not marrying Peter Walsh was the right decision. Richard signifies a relationship she can fathom and live with, a relationship you can live with.

If Septimus Smith has not received a mention until now, it is because he is far removed from where Clarissa is, and yet exactly who Clarissa is. Just like you relate to Clarissa, you know Septimus. You can’t imagine his insanity, but everything else you can. You know why he writes those little notes, and why he burns them away before he jumps off the window. You can understand his sense of privacy, just like Clarissa can. You know why he jumped, and like Clarissa, you too hope he ‘plunged holding his treasure.’ By knowing Septimus, you have further blurred the line between sanity and insanity, which brings us to the eternal question of whether there is a line at all. Of course there is, you would say. But have you not repeatedly crossed the line? Have you not felt like an emotional wreck every now and then? Have you not felt incapable of feeling, at some point? Where then, is the line? Virginia Woolf has not raised these questions for nothing. You know she has written with a mind that can see the blur, the smudgy edges; a mind that can easily see the grey areas. And isn’t all of life about struggling to find yourself in the midst of innumerable grey areas?

Every time I pick up the book, which acts as comfort food for my soul, I unravel another layer, decode another level. Maybe we find meaning when and where we want to. A book makes a lasting impact only when you can find yourself inside its pages. There are many ways of reading this book, and you shall find your very own. Maybe you won’t like it as much as I did. This speaks nothing of you or the book. You both just don’t intersect. I, on the other hand, am contained in the space of Mrs. Dalloway. If you happen to get through all of its pages, and read the last line, you shall know what I mean.

Abhilasha Kumar

To rent Mrs Dalloway by Virginia Woolf, register at INDIAreads Online Library and Bookstore and get the book delivered to your doorstep! Register now!!!

The World Book Fair at New Delhi is about to begin, and INDIAreads will be there.

Do visit the INDIAreads stalls – we can’t wait to have you paw our brand new merchandise even as you struggle to manage a cheap sandwich with one hand, and a screaming brat with the other.

It’s always a pleasure to hear you gossip about the authors in hushed tones (“Amartya Sen – isn’t he the guy that invented Amul..?”), and it really makes our day when you ask us 50 painfully mundane questions and end up buying nothing. We live for those moments!

The theme at this year’s fair shall be ‘Indian Cinema’.

Cinema and Literature – Really…?

As long as the cinematic medium has existed, the movie industry has looked to literature for both inspiration and content.

But when turning a literary masterpiece into a movie, do the two mediums share enough commonalities so as to enable a smooth transition…?

The filmwallahs would answer ‘yes’. From ‘About A Boy’ to ‘Wuthering Heights’, the conversion of popular books to big screen pictures has been a recurring theme in film, particularly in recent years with the success of huge franchises like Harry Potter and the Twilight saga.

While much discussion centers around adaptations that aren’t seen as having lived up to the literature on which they are based, there are many adaptations that actually enhance an existing story; or completely supersede it.

Example: Fight Club – a brilliant movie, stemming from an okay novel.

Or Clueless, which takes a novel from 1815 and makes it relevant to the modern day by setting the story of Jane Austen’s Emma in the context of a Beverly Hills high school.

But all faffing aside – the tendency to make film adaptations of books stems largely from the desire for a guaranteed audience, and is not quite the ‘natural progression’ for a book as advocated by some filmmakers.

Flipside? Stories are abridged, scenes are added, movie-only fans (newbies, resented by the hard core lit enthusiasts) are born, and those who followed the series from its inception are often left feeling a little disappointed at the end product.

The greatest difference between movies and novels is that cinemagoers share a much more social, passive experience than bookworms – who enjoy an active, solitary read. This means that while those reading the book have their own visions of characters and events, film audiences are forced to share a single vision of what these aspects of the story look like.

This alienates the book fan further – what was once a personal experience for him/her, is now universal; with the perceptions and prejudices of producers, directors, actors and audiences – all influencing the final product.

All is not lost, though.

In Part II, we shall take a look at some of the more successful experiments to have managed the leap from literature to cinema.

Leddies.

The Velenntyne Day is here, and louve is in the air.

(sniff) Can you smell it?

Annyway.

Let’s celebrate romance by taking a look at some of the more romantic literary characters to have tumbled out of ‘romance novels‘ (and similar works of propaganda that were almost certainly metaphors for the authors’ own failed love lives);

1. Edward Rochester of Charlotte Brontë’s Jane Eyre – (Alternately cold, imperious, and withholding; he proposes to Jane without disclosing the much-married madwoman imprisoned in his attic)

2. Richard Sharpe of Bernard Cornwell’s Sharpe series – (“He’ll fall in love with anything in a petticoat”, according to Patrick Harper – Richard’s loyal friend)

3. Fitzwilliam Darcy of Jane Austen’s Pride and Prejudice – (In 2010, a protein sex pheromone in male mouse urine, that is sexually attractive to female mice, was named Darcin in honour of the character)

4. Heathcliff of Emily Brontë’s Wuthering Heights – (A man prone to domestic violence, kidnapping, murder and digging up dead lovers – a fact perhaps unknown to Gordon Brown when he compared himself to “an older Heathcliff, a wiser Heathcliff” in 2008.)

5. Rupert Campbell Black of Jilly Cooper’s The Rutshire Chronicles – (Cooper has acknowledged that Rupert’s character is based upon Andrew Parker Bowles, the ex-husband of Camilla, Duchess of Cornwall. Incidentally, she left him for Prince Charles – a man with a face for radio)

That’s just the beginning of my list. I could go on and on, but let me not kill all that love in one go. So more later….Till then

HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY!!!

How would one explain the Kindle to Charlie Dickens…?

No wait; that’s a separate blogpost. Let’s get to know Charlie a little better first.

Charles Dickens: The name conjures up visions of plum pudding and Christmas punch, quaint coaching inns and cosy firesides, but also of orphaned and starving children, misers, murderers, and abusive schoolmasters. Dickens was 19th century London personified – he survived its mean streets as a child and, despite being largely self-educated, possessed the genius (that trademark leftie trait) to eventually become the greatest writer of his age.

Charlie was born on February 7, 1812, the son of a clerk at the Navy Pay Office. His father, John Dickens, continually living beyond his means, was imprisoned at the Marshalsea(a prison on the south bank of the River Thames in Southwark) in 1824 for failing to pay his debts.

A 12-year-old Charles was subsequently removed from school and sent to work at a boot-blacking factory – earning six shillings a week to help support the family. This experience cast a shadow over the clever, sensitive boy, and became a defining episode in Charlie’s life. (He would later lament, “How I could have been so easily cast away at such an age.”)

This childhood poverty and feelings of abandonment, although unknown to his readers until after his death, would be a heavy influence on Dickens‘ later views on social reform; and not least on the world he would create through his fiction.

Not surprisingly, Dickens’ characters are some of the most memorable in fiction.

Often these characters were based on people that he knew: Wilkins Micawber and William Dorrit (his father), Mrs. Nickleby (his mother). In a few instances Dickens based the character too closely on the original and got into trouble, as in the case of Harold Skimpole in Bleak House, based on Leigh Hunt, and Miss Mowcher in David Copperfield, based on his wife’s dwarf chiropodist.

Their names, too, are funkier than most. Characters such as Sweedlepipe, Honeythunder, Bumble, Pumblechook, and M’Choakumchild are recognizable as Dickensian even by those unfamiliar with the stories.

Charlie’s friend and biographer, John Forster, said that Dickens made “characters real existences, not by describing them but by letting them describe themselves.”  Characters such as Scrooge (miserly) and Pecksniff (hypocritically affecting benevolence) became defining terms in everyday vernacular.

Charlie would go on to write 15 major novels and countless short stories and articles before his death on June 9, 1870.

He wished to be buried, without fanfare, in a small cemetery in Rochester, but the Nation would not allow it. He was laid to rest in Poet’s Corner, Westminster Abbey, the flowers from thousands of mourners overflowing the open grave.

Incidentally, among the more beautiful bouquets were many simple clusters of wildflowers, wrapped in rags.

More about him later, though; must get back to my very empowering ‘Five Point Someone’.

In the meantime, please feel free to buy/rent, and academically fondle thereafter, the following Dickensian Classics at INDIAreads;

1. A Christmas Carol: You know the tale, you’ve seen the movies, but if you haven’t read the book you’re missing half the story. Dickens‘ little tale of human redemption has a million versions out there; make sure you get the original at INDIAreads.

2. David Copperfield: Charlie’s eighth novel was a thinly disguised autobiography, with many of the story lines mirroring Dickens‘ own life. ”Dickens never stood so high in reputation as at the completion of Copperfield.” – John Forster, Dickens‘ friend and first biographer.

3. Great Expectations: Strongly autobiographical again; though not as openly as in David Copperfield. Charlie actually reread Copperfield before beginning Great Expectations – to avoid unintentional repetition. Called Dickens‘ darkest work by some, it was very well received by Victorian readers and remains one of his most popular works today. Many consider it his greatest use of plot, characterization, and style – and a masterpiece of literary work.

I say again, lest my last post failed to register with the ‘deaf futtbucker’ demographic hiding amongst you: The Jaipur Literature Festival 2012 is about to get underway.

There are Lit Fests and there are Lit Fests. This one, though, is not your average overdose of book readings and (equally lackluster) panel discussions. The authors will not brood and the audience will not snooze.

For one, it’s a free festival.

So you see..? It is a chance for bottom feeders (like you) to approach Salman Rushdie, sip coffee with Michael Ondaatje, rub shoulders with Amish Tripathi, or admire Fatima Bhutto in toto for her, er, literary excellence.

Choosing what events to attend may be the only stress of the day for your cheap derriere. You’ll pay nothing to get in; then mull difficult session choices over a free lunch.

The atmosphere will be informal, interdisciplinary, and infectious. Actors, directors, fashion designers, economists, travellers, politicians, scientists, students, bloggers and all manner of urban hipsters will congregate in the gardens of an old and intimate Rajasthani palace to spend 5 days “in conversation”.

At night, the wine will flow. Expect the stage to come alive with the Dionysian revelry that typically follows a literary salon.

But there’s a catch.

Thanks to a rise in the number of programmes (and an ever increasing attendance) over the years, the venue is straining to breaking point and the nature of the event is changing. Last year, J.M. Coetzee had to clamber over hundreds of people squeezed next to speakers, crouched next to seats, or sitting on folded newspapers on the churned-up grass.

To reach the stage.

Those who have experienced the intimacy of earlier editions of the JLF lament that it is now impossible to have conversations with their favourite writers. The authors, too, may bemoan the festival’s increasingly unwieldy size.

Junot Diaz, a witty and thoughtful commentator on the lot of migrants in America, used one session to blame capitalism for encouraging writers to pursue their work not because they have something important to say, but for the sake of getting approval from the largest possible audience. “We know that we need less applause and more conversation,” he told a packed room.

Promptly—inevitably—the audience clapped.

One can certainly nitpick, and criticism has always been a blood sport in India. My money, though, is still on Dalrymple (co-Director of the event) to put up a great show. The self-confessed “Indophile” has always had an acute understanding of the way things work (or don’t work) in India (a fact amply demonstrated in his books). Vikram Seth may well buy George Herbert’s house and own an umbrella but he won’t ever really be ‘British’; while one may safely proclaim Dalrymple is more ‘Indian’ now than when he first came here (as a backpacker in 1989), and less of an anglophile than a lot of us.

Ergo: Mister William aage badho, hum tumhaare saath hain.

Homies!

The Jaipur Literature Festival (20-24 Jan ’12) is about to get underway.

It’s been a bumpy ride - The inaugural event in 2006 drew a crowd of about 100 attendees, including some who “appeared to be tourists who had simply got lost,” according to the event’s co-director William Dalrymple.

And the naysayers feel the festival is all about pretenders and post-colonial sahibs. Like Hartosh Bal; in a caustic piece appearing in Open Magazine in 2011, he wrote the festival  “works not because it is a literary enterprise, but because it ties us to the British literary establishment”—exemplified, first and foremost, by Dalrymple himself (whom he went on to deride as the “pompous arbiter of literary merit in India”). Incidentally, Bal is an Oxbridge-educated Indian who sounds more British than the Queen herself.

Dalrymple hit back immediately, lambasting Bal’s screed as racist cant akin to “pouring shit through an immigrant’s letterbox”.

Sadly, things are less acrimonious now.

Let’s take one final, longing look back at some of the funnier and more candid moments from events of years past. To set the mood for the serious business that follows.

Literary foreplay, if you will.

At the 2011 Jaipur Lit Fest;

1. Orhan Pamuk, that grave purveyor of melancholy, is evidently also a funny man.

During the Q&A session, someone asked Pamuk if the theme of his new novel ‘Museum of Innocence’ was whether philosophical love was deeper than physical love. Without skipping a beat, Pamuk responded, “That depends on the penetration.”

2. Junot Diaz (author of ‘The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao‘), during a session titled ‘Storyteller-in-Chief’, told a packed crowd under the Mughal tent, “I can’t imagine anything more foreign to Indian readers than the Dominican Republic or New Jersey. But white people were looking for YOU when they found US.”

3. During one of the interactive sessions, Gulzar amused the audiences with little anecdotes on the birth of songs in Hindi cinema before Javed Akhtar (who arrived 20 minutes late) could join him. He later apologised to Akhtar saying,” ‘Maaf Kijiyega, main inhe behla raha tha (Forgive me, I was just managing them).

4. During a Q&A session, a school girl asked Gulzar, “There was simplicity in our old songs. The vocabulary was simple and it touched our hearts. Why can’t we have a similar vocabulary in new songs?” Gulzar shot back, “You have used ‘vocabulary’ twice in your question. Can you tell me what it is called in Hindi?

5. An angry Indian editor from a well-known and respected publishing house was heard  describing Dalrymple (who at last year’s festival was reading his own texts while Paban Das Baul sang and swayed, even as certain sections felt as the Director of the Festival he should not have been hogging so much of the limelight) as “that self-promoting ‘White Mughal‘ who has turned down all my authors”.

People!

2012 is about to be quite a year; doomsday predictions notwithstanding.

With a star studded line-up of authors and titles to choose from, rest assured the literary roller-coaster at INDIAreads is not about to stop anytime soon.

Check out these gems that may be pre-ordered at INDIAreads shortly;

1. I’ve Got Your Number – Sophie Kinsella (Feb 2012): When Poppy loses her engagement ring and her mobile all in the same disastrous evening, it seems making use of a phone she finds by chance, abandoned in a hotel bin, is the obvious solution.

But inevitably her life becomes entangled with the real owner of the phone, a high-flying businessman called Sam who becomes increasingly irritated when Poppy can’t resist meddling in his affairs…

2. The Oath of The Vayuputras – Amish Tripathi (Oct 2012): Book Three in the hugely popular Shiva Trilogy – after ‘The Immortals of Meluha’ and ‘The Secret of The Nagas’ – keeps the feeding frenzy going.

3. Emerging India: Economics, Politics And Reforms  – Bimal Jalan (Jan 2012): A collection of essays written over 20 years, this is an essential read for anyone seriously interested in the history and future of India’s development as a nation.

4. Didi: A Political Biography – Monobina Gupta (Jan 2012): Gupta brings her experience as a journalist and commentator on the politics in West Bengal to paint a fascinating portrait of the woman who defeated the longest-serving communist government in the world; and is fast emerging as one of the most important political figures in India today.

5. When Loss is Gain – Pavan K Varma (Jan 2012): Action-packed yet contemplative, Pavan K. Varma’s first novel is a powerful story of love and loss, despair and hope, chance and destiny, and the true meaning of joy and sorrow in every human life.

6. Rahul – Jatin Gandhi & Veenu Sandhu (Jan 2012): .Who is Rahul Gandhi—the real man—beneath the hype and the hatchet jobs? What are the ideas and influences that propel him? Who are his advisers? And how will he tackle his new responsibilities as his mother, Sonia Gandhi, makes way for him? Two young journalists, Jatin Gandhi and Veenu Sandhu, trace the evolution of the Rahul brand and explore the fascinating relationship between modernity and dynasty in this incisive political biography.

7. Neglected Poems – Gulzar (Jan 2012): Neglected only in name, these poems represent Gulzar at his creative and imaginative best, as he meditates on nature, delves into human psychology, explores great cities like Mumbai, Chennai, Kolkata, Delhi and New York , and confronts the most telling moments of everyday life.

8. Micro – Michael Crichton (Jan 2012): An instant classic in the vein of Jurassic Park, this boundary-pushing novel has all the hallmarks of Michael Crichton s greatest adventures with its combination of pulse-pounding thrills, cutting-edge technology, and extraordinary research.

Three men are found dead in a locked second-floor office in Honolulu. There is no sign of struggle, though their bodies are covered in ultra-fine, razor sharp cuts. With no evidence, the police dismiss it as a bizarre suicide pact. But the murder weapon is still in the room, almost invisible to the human eye…

9. Smart Trust – Stephen M. R. Covey (Foreword by Indra Nooyi) (Jan 2012): Find out why trusted people are more likely to get hired or promoted, get the best projects and bigger budgets, and are last to be laid off. This book will forever shift your perspective as it reveals and validates once and for all the transformational power of trust. Reading Smart Trust will help you thrive in an increasingly unpredictable marketplace.

10. The Innocent – David Baldacci (Apr 2012): Freelance hitman Will Robie gets a job from the US government. Even as he expertly nails his target – a suspected enemy of the country – he sees something at the scene of crime which he suspects will have deadly consequences …

Does he need to change sides to save lives, including his own…?

11. Untitled Memoir – Salman Rushdie (Sep 2012): The memoir will cover Rushdie’s childhood, his family life – he has been married four times – and his time in exile.

12. The Limpopo Academy of Private Investigation – Alexander McCall Smith (Apr 2012): The new installment in the perpetually delightful and bestselling No. 1 Ladies’ Detective Agency series.

Precious Ramotswe is back and, as usual, her plate is full.  She’s called in to tackle a mysterious disciplinary problem at her adopted daughter’s school. Her infinitely trustworthy assistant, Grace Makutsi, is having trouble adjusting to wedded bliss; a problem to test even the formidable talents of Mma Ramotswe. And the estimable Clovis Andersen, author of The Principles of Private Investigation – the No. 1 Ladies’ prized manual – has arrived, right there, in Botswana, on a case of his own. Bush tea, anyone?

13. Home – Toni Morrison (May 2012): The latest novel from Nobel Prize winner Toni Morrison.

An angry and self-loathing veteran of the Korean War, Frank Money finds himself back in racist America after enduring trauma on the front lines that left him with more than just physical scars. His home–and himself–may no longer be as he remembers it, but Frank is shocked out of his crippling apathy by the need to rescue his medically abused younger sister and take her back to the small Georgia town they come from; a place he’s hated all his life. As Frank revisits childhood memories and the war, that leave him questioning his sense of self, he discovers a profound courage he thought he could never possess again. A deeply moving novel about an apparently defeated man finding himself–and his home.

14. Bring Up the Bodies – Hilary Mantel (May 2012): In this sequel to the Man Booker-winning Wolf Hall, Mantel explores one of the most mystifying and frightening episodes in English history: the destruction of Anne Boleyn. From history’s darkroom, this novel offers a speaking picture to the modern world; a vision of Tudor England so recognizable it defies archaism. It is the work of one of our greatest writers at the peak of her powers.

15. Betrayal – Danielle Steel (Mar 2012): A renowned film director confronts an act of unimaginable treachery—and the first devastating blow will not be the last.

In this riveting novel, Danielle Steel reveals the dark side of fame and fortune. At the same time, she brilliantly captures a woman’s will to navigate a minefield of hurt and loss—towards a new beginning.

16. Behind The Beautiful Forevers: Life, Death, And Hope In A Mumbai Undercity – Katherine Boo (Feb 2012): In this brilliantly written, fast-paced book by the Pulitzer winner, a bewildering age of global change and inequality is made human; thanks in no small part to three years of uncompromising reporting.

With intelligence, humor, and deep insight into what connects human beings to one another in an era of tumultuous change, ‘Behind the Beautiful Forevers’ carries the reader headlong into one of the twenty-first century’s hidden worlds, and into the lives of people impossible to forget.

I try to deny myself any illusions or delusions, and I think that this perhaps entitles me to try and deny the same to others, at least as long as they refuse to keep their fantasies to themselves.

- Christopher Hitchens  (13^th April 1949 – 15^th December 2011)

That was Hitchens for you. Writer. Orator. Contrarian.

But just how much of a non-conformist WAS Hitch..?

In his 2007 polemic ‘God is not Great’, he gave short shrift to the “insulting” suggestion that cancer might persuade him to change his position (he was a heavy smoker/drinker) where reason had not, arguing that to ditch principles “held for a lifetime, in the hope of gaining favour at the last minute” would be a “hucksterish choice”, and urging those who had taken it upon themselves to pray for him not to “trouble deaf heaven with your bootless cries”.

Writing in his 2010 memoir ‘Hitch-22’, Hitchens said that he hoped and believed his “advancing age has not quite shamed my youth”, disavowing the “’simple’ ordinary propositions” of his younger days in favour of the maxim that “it is an absolute certainty that there are no certainties”.

“One reason, then, that I would not relive my life,” he continued, “is that one cannot be born knowing such things, but must find them out, even when they then seem bloody obvious, for oneself.”

A die-hard atheist, Hitchens’ contempt for all things ‘religion’ may be gauged from the following excerpts;

” Beware the irrational, however seductive. Shun the ‘transcendent’ and all who invite you to subordinate or annihilate yourself. Distrust compassion; prefer dignity for yourself and others. Don’t be afraid to be thought arrogant or selfish. Picture all experts as if they were mammals. Never be a spectator of unfairness or stupidity. Seek out argument and disputation for their own sake; the grave will supply plenty of time for silence. Suspect your own motives, and all excuses. Do not live for others any more than you would expect others to live for you.”

“Name me an ethical statement made or an action performed by a believer that could not have been made or performed by a non-believer.”

“Human decency is not derived from religion. It precedes it.”

“Religion looks forward to the destruction of the world…. Perhaps half aware that its unsupported arguments are not entirely persuasive, and perhaps uneasy about its own greedy accumulation of temporal power and wealth, religion has never ceased to proclaim the Apocalypse and the day of judgment.”

“The person who is certain, and who claims divine warrant for his certainty, belongs now to the infancy of our species.”

Buy the following Christopher Hitchens books at INDIAreads;

1. God is Not Great (2007)

“[A] pleasingly intemperate assault on organized religion…”  - Kirkus Reviews

“An intellectual willing to show his teeth in the cause of righteousness.” – The New Yorker

“Thank God for Christopher Hitchens.” - Esquire Magazine

One hell of a religious read.” – New York Post

2. Thomas Paine’S Rights Of Man – A Biography (2009)

“Hitchens is a political descendant of the great pamphleteer, “a Tom Paine for our troubled times.” - The Independent, London

“Christopher Hitchens at his characteristically incisive best” – The Times, London

3. Hitch-22 (2010)

‘If Hitchens didn’t exist, we wouldn’t be able to invent him.’ - Ian McEwan.

‘Christopher Hitchens is one of the great conversationalists of our age and his wit, style and erudition are brilliantly deployed in this glittering autobiography. Hitch-22 sparkles with funny stories, treasurable quotations, witty apercus and deft descriptions.’ - Sunday Times

4. Arguably (2011)

“Anyone who occasionally opens one of our more serious periodicals has learned that the byline of Christopher Hitchens is an opportunity to be delighted or maddened-possibly both-but in any case not to be missed….His range is extraordinary, both in breadth and altitude. He is as self-confident on the politics of Lebanon as on the ontology of the Harry Potter books….I still find Hitchens one of the most stimulating thinkers and entertaining we have, even when-perhaps especially when-he provokes.” (Bill Keller, New York Times Book Review )

Different Cultures, Different Celebrations;

1. “Hot cockles” was a popular game at Christmas in medieval times (see image). It was a game in which players took turns striking a blindfolded player, who had to guess the name of the person delivering each blow. It was a popular Christmas pastime late into the Victorian era.

2. At Christmas, Ukrainians prepare a traditional twelve-course meal. A family’s youngest child (representing Child Jesus) watches through the window for the evening star to appear – a signal that the feast may begin.

3. Christmas Day in the Ukraine may be celebrated on December 25, in faithful alliance with the Roman Catholic Gregorian calendar, or on January 7, which is the church holy day for the Orthodox or Eastern Rite (Julian calendar)

4. Christmas is not widely celebrated in Scotland. Some historians believe that Christmas is downplayed in Scotland because of the influence of the Presbyterian Church (or Kirk), which considered Christmas a “Papist,” or Catholic event. As a result, Christmas in Scotland tends to be sombre.

5. Christmas was once a moveable feast celebrated at different times during the year. The choice of December 25 was made by Pope Julius I in the 4th century A.D., because this coincided with the pagan rituals of Winter Solstice, or Return of the Sun. The intent was to replace the pagan celebration with the Christian one.

6. Greeks do not use Christmas trees or give presents at Christmas. A priest may throw a little cross into the village water to drive the ’kallikantzaroi’ (gremlin-like spirits) away. To keep them from hiding in dark, dusty corners, he goes from house to house sprinkling holy water.

7. In Finland and Sweden an old tradition prevails, where the twelve days of Christmas are declared to be a time of civil peace by law. It used to be that a person committing crimes during this time would be liable to a stiffer sentence than normal.

8. In France, Christmas is called Noel. This is derived from the French phrase “les bonnes nouvelles,” which literally means “the good news”, and refers to the gospel.

9. In North America, children put stockings out at Christmas time. Their Dutch counterparts, however, use shoes. Dutch children set out shoes to receive gifts any time between mid-November and December 5, St. Nicholas’ birthday.

10. In Syria, Christmas gifts are distributed by one of the Wise Men’s camels. The gift-giving camel is said to have been the smallest one in the Wise Men’s caravan.

11. In Norway on Christmas Eve, visitors should know that after the family’s big dinner and the opening of presents, all the brooms in the house are hidden. The Norwegians long ago believed that witches and mischievous spirits came out on Christmas Eve and would steal their brooms for riding.

12. In the British armed forces it is traditional that officers wait on the men and serve them their Christmas dinner. This dates back to a custom from the Middle Ages.

13. The actual gift givers in various countries are:

England: Father Christmas

France: Pere Noel (Father Christmas)

Germany: Christkind (angelic messenger from Jesus). She is a beautiful fair haired girl with a shining crown of candles.

Holland: St Nicholas.

Italy: La Befana (a kindly old witch)

Spain and South America: The Three Kings

Russia: In some parts - Babouschka (a grandmotherly figure) in other parts it is Grandfather Frost.

Scandinavia: a variety of Christmas gnomes. One is called Julenisse.

Celebrate the spirit of Christmas with these warm and cuddly reads @ INDIAreads Online Library cum Bookstore

A Christmas Carol: The Graphic Novel

Discover the old fashioned joys of a frontier Christmas with A Wilderness Christmas

Maybe this Christmas

Merry Christmas Geronimo!

Christmas.

Holiday season, and a time to relax.

A time to laugh, think, celebrate, and shake one’s tailfeather; a time to throw caution (and the staid tenor of this blog) to the wind.

Therefore, Christmas is, presently, a time when;

1. Sheep wish you ‘Season’s Bleetings’
2. Santa’s little Elvis makes Christmas toys as he sings ‘Love Me Tender’
3. A bald man is gifted a comb and never parts with it.
4. And the fear of getting stuck in chimneys is called ‘Santaclaustrophobia’.

Ha Ha.

Now that we have that out of the way, let us rewind and take a look at some of the lesser known facts about Christmas; categorized and made idiot-proof for your reading pleasure.

The History of Christmas – ‘What’s All the Fuss About..?’

1. The word Christmas is Old English, a contraction of Christ’s Mass.

2. Jesus Christ, son of Mary, was born in a cave, not in a wooden stable. Caves were used to keep animals in because of the intense heat. A large church is now built over the cave, and people may go down inside it. The carpenters of Jesus’ day were really stone cutters. Wood was not used as widely as it is today. So whenever you see a Christmas nativity scene with a wooden stable — that’s the “American” version, not the Biblical one.

3. Historians have traced some of the current traditions surrounding Father Christmas, or Santa Claus, back to ancient Celtic roots. Father Christmas’s elves are the modernization of the ‘Nature folk’ of the Pagan religions; his reindeer are associated with the ‘Horned God’, a Pagan deity.

4. Mistletoe, a traditional Christmas symbol, was once revered by the early Britons. It was so sacred that it had to be cut with a golden sickle.

5. The modern Christmas custom of displaying a wreath on the front door of one’s house is borrowed from ancient Rome’s New Year’s celebrations. Romans wished each other “good health” by exchanging branches of evergreens. They called these gifts ‘strenae’, after Strenia, the Goddess of Health. It became customary to bend these branches into a ring and display them on doorways.

6. The tradition of Christmas lights dates back to when Christians were persecuted for saying Mass. A simple candle in the window meant that Mass would be celebrated there that night.

7. Clearing up a common misconception, in Greek, X (representing the Greek letter chi) means Christ. That is where the word ‘X-Mas’ comes from. Not because someone took the Christ out of Christmas.

8. The real St. Nicholas lived in Turkey, where he was bishop of the town of Myra, in the early 4th century. It was the Dutch who first made him into a Christmas gift-giver, and Dutch settlers brought him to America where his name eventually became the familiar Santa Claus.

9. Santa’s Reindeers are Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner and Blitzen.

10. In Britain, the Holy Days and Fasting Days Act of 1551, which has not yet been repealed, states that every citizen must attend a Christian church service on Christmas Day, and must not use any kind of vehicle to get to the service.

11. In 1647, the English parliament passed a law that made Christmas illegal. Festivities were banned by the Puritan leader Oliver Crowell, for he deemed feasting and revelry to be immoral, on what was supposed to be a holy day. The ban was lifted only when the Puritans lost power in 1660.

12. In 1752, 11 days were dropped from the year when the switch from the Julian calendar to the Gregorian calendar was made. The December 25, date was effectively moved 11 days backwards. Some Christian church sects, called old calendarists, still celebrate Christmas on January 7 (previously December 25 of the Julian calendar).

13. The first Christmas card was created in England on December 9, 1842 by a man named John Calcott Horsley, who lived in Italy. He was hired by Sir Henry Cole in an effort to depict the desolate living conditions of the poor. The idea was to raise awareness and encourage people to help those in need. Ironically, the result was a card portraying a happy family, including a child sipping wine. (see image)

14. In the Thomas Nast cartoon that first depicted Santa Claus with a sleigh and reindeer, he was delivering Christmas gifts to soldiers fighting in the U.S. Civil War. The cartoon, entitled ‘Santa Claus in Camp’, appeared in Harper’s Weekly on January 3, 1863. (see image)

15. Christmas became a national holiday in America on June, 26, 1870.

16. Hallmark introduced its first Christmas cards in 1915, five years after the founding of the company

17. Rudolph was actually created by Montgomery Ward in 1939 for a holiday promotion (see image). The rest is history.

18. In 1937, the first postage stamp to commemorate Christmas was issued in Austria (see image).

19. The first charity Christmas card was produced by UNICEF in 1949 (see image). The picture chosen for the card was painted not by a professional artist but by a seven-year-old girl. The girl was Jitka Samkova of Rudolfo, a small town in the former nation of Czechoslovakia. The town received UNICEF assistance after World War II, inspiring Jitka to paint some children dancing around a maypole. She said her picture represented “joy going round and round.”

Notable Quotes on Christmas – ‘Who said that…?’

1. Once again we find ourselves enmeshed in the Holiday Season, that very special time of year when we join with our loved ones in sharing centuries-old traditions such as trying to find a parking space at the mall. We traditionally do this in my family by driving around the parking lot until we see a shopper emerge from the mall, then we follow her, in very much the same spirit as the Three Wise Men, who 2,000 years ago followed a star, week after week, until it led them to a parking space. – Dave Barry

2. Christmas is a time when everybody wants his past forgotten and his present remembered. What I don’t like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day. –  Phyllis Diller

3. Christmas at my house is always at least six or seven times more pleasant than anywhere else. We start drinking early. And while everyone else is seeing only one Santa Claus, we’ll be seeing six or seven. – W.C. Fields

4. I never believed in Santa Claus because I knew no white man would be coming into my neighbourhood after dark. – Dick Gregory

5. Santa Claus wears a Red Suit, he must be a communist. And a beard and long hair; must be a pacifist. And what’s in that pipe he smokes..? – Arlo Guthrie

6. Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas. – Johnny Carson

7. I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying, ‘Toys Not Included’. – Bernard Manning

8. Dear Lord, I’ve been asked, nay commanded, to thank Thee for the Christmas turkey before us… a turkey which was no doubt a lively, intelligent bird… a social being… capable of actual affection… nuzzling its young with almost human- like compassion. Anyway, it’s dead and we’re gonna eat it. Please give our respects to its family… – Berkeley Breathed

9. I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph. – Shirley Temple

10. Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people once a year. – Victor Borge

11. Never worry about the size of your Christmas tree. In the eyes of children, they are all 30 feet tall. – Larry Wilde

12. Oh look, yet another Christmas TV special! How touching to have the meaning of Christmas brought to us by cola, fast food, and beer… Who’d have ever guessed that product consumption, popular entertainment, and spirituality would mix so harmoniously? – Bill Watterson in ‘Calvin & Hobbes’

Check out the following great Christmas reads and more at INDIAreads;

1. Christmas – Selected Holiday Stories and Poems (by Louisa May Alcott)
2. A Christmas Carol (by Charles Dickens)
3. Horrible Harry and The Christmas Surprise (by Suzy Kline)
4. Mystery for Christmas (by Various)
5. Heartwarming Christmas Stories – A Cozy Collection of Fiction for The Holidays (by Various)